Sleep: Not in the forecast for first-time fathers

By: Dan Peterson

Sleep: It’s the most important advice I can offer to a father-to-be.

Dan Peterson is a wildlife biologist living in Ocala, Florida. He and his wife, Melissa, will celebrate their three-year anniversary this year. Their first daughter, Delaney, was born in May 2009.

Sleep now while you can. Go to bed early. Sleep in. Once the baby comes, sleep deprivation will be something you will fully understand. Unfortunately, enjoying a restful night’s sleep may become impossible even before the baby arrives. Toward the end of your partner’s pregnancy, she’s likely to be too uncomfortable to sleep well. Her back will hurt, the baby will kick her in the ribs, and she’ll have to pee — a lot. My best advice is if your partner can’t sleep, you should be supportive. Make her a snack, rub her back, and whatever you do, do not bury your head under the pillows and ignore her. She’ll make you regret it in the morning — trust me.

After the baby is born, your sleeping patterns will never be the same. Expect to be up every two to three hours for the first three to four months, and even though you will not always be awake for long periods of time, these short interruptions will really mess up your sleep. Remember to stay calm and stay positive — especially with your partner. Lack of sleep will make you very irritable, and you may say things you later regret.  Remember to count to three and breathe before you say or do anything you may not really mean. This is a stressful time for both of you, and yelling or saying unkind words will not make anything easier. It will be a frustrating first few months — and perhaps a frustrating first year — and the only way to get through it is by working together and loving each other.

Be prepared to take on more chores around the house. Adding a baby to your life will take a lot of time and work. To compensate for this, both of you will have to put in extra effort to keep your home orderly and clean. Keeping a clean house is one way to keep your sanity. Watching bills and laundry pile up will only add to the amount of stress you will undoubtedly experience. If your partner usually pays the bills, sit with her before the baby comes so you can help out if she is too tired to handle this the first month after the baby is born. If you usually only wash your own clothes, wash hers too. Remember: Don’t wash her white clothes with her red sweater. This will not turn out well.

When leaving the house — even if you are only going to be gone for a few hours — be prepared for the journey to and from the car to take as long as the journey itself. With all the additional supplies and getting your new baby in and out of the car seat, getting ready to go and packing it all up will take some time. Even though you may not think all of the supplies are necessary, if your partner does, your best bet is not to argue and go along with her. She usually knows best, anyway.

My daughter is 9 months old now, and her personality is really starting to come through. Every day, she learns something new and makes us laugh while she performs her new tricks. She is still a lot of work — but in different ways. Sleep is a little easier – although she is teething now and last night I got a total of three hours of sleep — but she is a lot harder to keep happy while awake. The longer she has been with us, the more normal this new life has become, sleep deprivation and all. Is it worth it? You would be hard pressed to find a new father who would tell you “no.” My daughter, like all children, has brought so much laughter and love into our home that I wouldn’t have it any other way; although, I do wish she would learn to sleep past 6 a.m. on Sunday mornings. Good luck, and remember to thank your partner. Not only for carrying your baby for nine months and then giving birth, but for understanding that adjusting to this new life is just as hard for you as it is for her.

Need more advice? Check out Atlantic Publishing’s new book, I’m Going to be a Dad: Now What? Everything You Need to Know About First-time Fatherhood.

Atlantic Publishing Group Inc. is your No. 1 source for nonfiction books. We publish nonfiction books, focusing on small business, management, online media, and real estate, as well as parenting, cooking, and traveling. Atlantic Publishing Group is the leader in providing training materials including books, videos, posters, tools, and software to the food service industry. Follow us on Twitter @AtlanticPub.

Author’s Corner: Craig Baird Dishes on Future Fatherhood

Writing about being a father brought forward plenty of challenges. Undeterred, I decided to learn as much about being a father as I could possibly learn. With some help from a series of books provided by Atlantic, and a lot of Internet research, I was able to begin putting together a meshwork of what it meant to be a father. There was plenty to learn.

Through my research for the book, the first thing I learned about was pregnancy. Just like everyone, I knew the general process of pregnancy but to learn about the minute details that come into play that a husband and future father needs to think about? Let’s just say I was quite surprised. There are the many trips to the doctor, the need for Lamaze, the complications that can arise and most importantly, what a future mother goes through with pregnancy. I know now that a husband has to be there for their spouse to help with their spouse’s emotions and needs. That means when the time comes for me, I will be ready for the challenge.

There has been plenty of comedy done about men on the day their child is born, worrying about the birth and panicking while the mother calmly prepares for labor. Again, through research for this book, I learned not only about the phases of labor, but what one needs to have ready 24 hours a day for when the labor begins.

Of course, pregnancy and labor was only the first third of the book, and there was plenty more for me to learn about being a father, or a future father in my case. Taking care of a puppy is nothing compared to the effort it takes to take care of a baby. For the first few months, there is very little sleep and a lot of worry about how to be a father. There is playing with the baby and finding ways to entertain the baby while helping fuel the development of their mind and personality. As the baby ages, there are the worries about illness and even knowing what I know now, I know I will be rushing to the hospital at the first sneeze from the baby. (Babies sneeze: It’s nothing to worry about.)

There is a lot to know about being a father, and that may deter some fathers but if I took one thing away from writing this book, it is this: Being a father is a joy. With every worry over a single sneeze and wonder about the growing fetus in your partner’s belly, there is the joy of playing with a new baby and helping to forge a new life into this world. There is the happiness that comes from your baby’s first steps, their first words and their smile. Like seeing my dog’s tail wag even after I have had a hard day, seeing a baby’s smile has a way of making a father smile no matter what happened during their day.

Writing this book I now know that there is much more responsibility in being a father than I ever thought possible, but much more happiness as well.

Craig Baird is a writer based out of rural Canada, where he lives on a ranch with his wife and dogs. He has published several books and short stories, as well as written for magazines and newspapers across Canada. When he is not writing, he spends his time traveling the country and hiking in the outdoors with his wife, Layla. Follow him on Twitter @CraigBaird.

Are you going to be a new dad? Check out Craig Baird’s new book, I’m Going to be a Dad: Now What? Everything You Need to Know About First-time Fatherhood.

Atlantic Publishing Group Inc. is your No. 1 source for nonfiction books. We publish nonfiction books, focusing on small business, management, online media, and real estate, as well as parenting, cooking, and traveling. Atlantic Publishing Group is the leader in providing training materials including books, videos, posters, tools, and software to the food service industry. Follow us on Twitter @AtlanticPub.